Personal Growth

Letting Go of Perfectionism and Embracing Imperfection


Let’s chat about something that hits home for many of us — perfectionism. That double-edged sword drives us to strive for excellence but can also lead to unrealistic expectations, procrastination, burnout, and a profound fear of failure.

A wise leader once said, “Heather, it’s good enough.” She needed to see progress, not perfection. I was holding back because my work wasn’t flawless. The idea that 80% of something is better than 100% of nothing is a game-changer. Whenever I slip into perfection mode, I remind myself of this.

A pivotal moment for me was a one-on-one debrief after a talent review.

My perfectionism was holding back my career. The exact words were, “Your perfectionism is a career staller.” This debrief was a catalyst for change. It was time to unpack and embrace my perfectionism, leaving room for imperfection to serve me and those around me better.

Here’s what I learned about my perfectionism:

  1. It was rooted in my fear of failure and abandonment.
  2. I used it to avoid criticism or rejection.
  3. I had, and still have, high expectations of myself.

Let’s get raw for a moment.

No two perfectionists are the same! My fear of failure and abandonment runs deep. I avoid rejection and do whatever it takes to avoid criticism.

Before I dive into this deeply, it must be said that our past experiences fundamentally shape our belief systems. So, for context, here is a peek behind my curtain and where it started for me.

My parents divorced when I was nine months old. My brother and I lived with my mom in Ontario housing, and we were “the family in need” at Christmas. Things got even more challenging for my mom, and reluctantly, she could no longer care for us. My brother and I moved from home to home, living with different relatives in nine places before sixth grade.

For a time, we were also separated; I lived with an Aunt and Uncle, and he lived with another. Stability finally came, and I’m grateful for it, but those early years shaped my need for perfection.

Each move felt like abandonment and rejection. We had questions but were told these were adult issues, so questions were always unanswered. I won’t speak for my brother, but for me, I was a victim of circumstance, though I no longer see myself as a victim. That’s a topic for another day.

Understanding where my perfectionism came from was liberating.

It helped me connect with it, own it, and learn how to manage it. That’s where the real work began.

For me, the questions to consider were: What would life be like if I let go of perfectionism and embraced being “perfectly imperfect”? How might it feel? What benefits could I gain? What’s the worst that could happen?

Embracing imperfection fueled my growth as a leader.

It’s not easy, but it can be liberating with an open mind, a compassionate heart, and a commitment to growth. It’s more genuine to be imperfect than to strive for unattainable perfection.

Here are the critical insights on my journey to letting go of perfectionism and embracing my imperfections.

Building My Self Awareness.

Self-awareness is fundamental to effective leadership. It’s an ongoing process of understanding our emotions, strengths, weaknesses, values, and their impact on others. As we grow and take on new challenges, our self-awareness deepens. Values shift, new ones emerge, and our understanding of ourselves evolves. This self-awareness enhances our ability to lead others effectively.

  • Recognizing my perfectionism was the first step. I had to understand its roots and how it manifested in my behaviour. This helped me identify more quickly when slipping into perfection mode and allowed me to correct course.

Embrace Vulnerability.

Leaders often feel the need to have all the answers and project confidence. But vulnerability is a strength. It’s about being okay with not being perfect, admitting when we don’t have the answers, asking for help, and acknowledging mistakes. These behaviours build trust and collaboration. Embrace imperfection as part of your leadership journey.

  • Admitting I didn’t have it all figured out was challenging but also freeing. It allowed me to connect deeply with my team and foster a more open, honest environment.
  • Vulnerability enabled a culture of trust within the team. They were also comfortable being vulnerable; we could solve problems, learn, and grow together.

Tame the Inner Critic with Self-Compassion.

Leaders can be their own harshest critics. Recognize and temper your inner critic—mine’s named “Ursula.” I named her so I can visualize when she shows up. This is super helpful if you, too, have that negative voice that surfaces from time to time. [see Blog post, The Power Within – The Art of Managing Your Inner Voice]

Practice self-compassion, treating yourself with the kindness you would offer a friend facing similar challenges. This helps in dealing with setbacks more constructively.

  • Whenever “Ursula” shows up, I acknowledge her and recognize her self-defeating words, but do not let her take over. Self-compassion helps me stay grounded and resilient.

Learn from Failure.

Failure is an inevitable part of leadership. I have failed countless times, but each has taught me valuable lessons. By viewing failures as opportunities for learning, we can grow and become more resilient. Reflect on what went wrong, learn from it, and apply those lessons moving forward.

  • Embracing failure was game-changing. Instead of seeing it as a setback, I started seeing it as a stepping stone to growth.

Foster a Culture of Growth.

Leadership is about influencing your organization’s culture, embodying a growth mindset, valuing effort as much as outcomes, and creating an environment where team members feel empowered to take risks and learn from failures.

Focus on progress over perfection:

  1. Set realistic goals and break down tasks if required.
  2. Stay adaptable and open to change.
  3. Establish regular feedback loops.
  4. Empower your team and delegate.
  5. Celebrate milestones and moments of brilliance.
  6. Learn from mistakes and encourage a growth mindset.
  7. Keep sight of the long-term vision.

By prioritizing self-awareness and progress over perfection, we can cultivate a culture of continuous growth and resilience. Remember, leadership is not about being perfect; it’s about being “perfectly imperfect.” Be okay with vulnerability, embrace your beautiful imperfections, and use them as a foundation for growth.

Reflect on your leadership journey.

How can you let go of perfectionism and turn your imperfections into opportunities for growth?



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