This past week, our family faced another difficult hurdle.
For the love of God, will it ever stop? The situation is grim with long-term consequences, but this time around, it was different. I am unsure if I should be proud or worried about my reaction while it was happening and now during the aftermath.
I am pretty sure that, at this point, I am immune to the curveballs thrown our way. I realize, at least in my faith, that God only gives us what we can handle with the intent to make us stronger. I keep telling God I am strong enough to please stop, but it is ignored. Or is it?
Reflecting on my calm demeanour and ability to handle what we are and will continue to face, I keep returning to my resilience. My emotional response came from a place of strength, facing the challenge head-on with a perspective of gratitude, even at the moment when shit hit the fan. My family needed all of these things from me, and I delivered. Did I have what I needed? Yes, it is my source of strength, perspective, and positivity, and it was mighty. Resilience is a powerful tool.
I trust that there are benefits to these curveballs; I can find the goodness that can come from these situations, even if it takes a while to uncover.
At the moment, while the situation presents itself, I make a choice, take a deep breath, and gain quick clarity of what my family needs from me. How do I need to show up for them? And then I do It. I reframe the situation, convincing myself that this will make me stronger and make us stronger as a family. The only way to get through it is to get through it.
Having said this, and I am still reflecting, I am unsure if my emotional reaction and calm demeanor are good or bad. It is not to say that I am suppressing my emotions—I know better than that. I am just leaning into positivity instead, one of my resilient superpowers. I am holding onto the pride I feel from my calm response and reaction rather than worrying that I am unfazed when others might be thrown off balance. Good job, Heather!
For a little extra personal motivation, if you have read one of my other blogs, you might know that I am a massive fan of music, particularly the lyrics from songs that resonate. On Monday, I cranked the theme song from Frozen, “Let It Go.”
In this case, I Can’t Let It Go; we will deal with this situation for the foreseeable future. But these three words are powerful. I am letting go of the negative and embracing the positive. This offers me a sense of relief and freedom from the weight of the situation. I will still feel the feelings and then let them go. This helps me to focus on what will truly matter. I am not letting the negative emotions consume my thoughts and clutter my mind. We have finite energy, and I am preserving it to enable my mental capacity to tackle the challenges and face them head-on – with Resilience.
Everyone faces adversity, but the ability to respond to adverse situations depends on the individual.
We all have unique strengths that help us bounce back from tough times. I like to call these unique strengths our ‘resilience superpowers.’ These could be anything from a strong support network to a positive mindset. These resilient muscles are vital for us, and we can use these muscles as a vehicle for strength. We can tap into our less prominent resilient muscles when the situation calls for more from us as we face these challenges.
We can all benefit from being more resilient personally and professionally. Now more than ever, with the amount of change we experience and the challenges we face, the need to be resilient plays an incredible role in our ability to stay grounded, focus on what matters most, and be the best version of ourselves in those moments of what can feel like despair. Remember, resilience is not just a personal trait; it’s a skill that can be developed and honed.
If you are working on your resilience, know it can take years. My resilience journey began well over ten years ago when I faced a lot of change and led a lot of change at work. I am a work in progress, as we all are, but one new habit at a time, towards the necessary behavior change, can make a world of difference. So bring it on, God; I can take it, and thank you for your belief in me to continue strengthening my resilience to be the best I can be for my family and in service of others. Remember, it’s a journey, and every step forward is a victory!
Here are a few tools from my toolbelt that have been incredibly helpful in strengthening my resilience and that I believe can be useful for you, too.
- Embrace your authentic self — In Frozen, Elsa reaches her turning point by embracing who she truly is while freeing herself from others’ expectations. As leaders and/or parents, we can carry the burden of the perception of perfection. Letting go of this allows us to give way to our authentic selves, embracing our emotions and vulnerabilities.
- Pause before reacting — This powerful tool gives us a moment to respond rationally rather than emotionally, thoughtfully rather than impulsively. We can quickly assess what is prompting the emotions and why. Then, we can label the emotions and shift our mindset. This is reappraising the situation to move us into a constructive state.
- Reframing/Reappraising our mindset — This is probably one of my favourites. When you have been served a challenging situation—and we all get this serving from time to time—reframe it. Find the goodness that can come from it, even if it is difficult. Reframing our mindset lets us concentrate on what truly matters and helps us feel in control of the situation, confident that we can handle it!
- Lean into empathy — When the situation becomes challenging, it can be easy to get lost in our emotional response. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and ask, “What is the impact of this situation from the perspective of others?” Meet them where they are. “How are they feeling right now? What do they need from me in this moment?” This practice of empathy can help us feel more connected and less alone in our struggles.
- Perspective is critical — Conduct a quick assessment to gauge whether the situation will matter in a day, week, or month. Focus on the big picture. Don’t let it bother you today if it won’t matter in a day, week, or month. This can help you see the situation differently and manage your emotional energy more effectively.
- Assess which emotions require your attention — Respect the emotion; we have to feel the feels. But evaluate the impact of the emotion. Does this emotion serve the purpose of you achieving your goals? When we can focus on the emotions and feelings tied to significant challenges or opportunities, we can then Let Go of the rest. We can release the feelings hindering our progress or well-being, allowing us to focus on the big stuff.
- Accept what is — This is not easy, but don’t be stubborn about it. There is great power in accepting what is, especially if you cannot change the situation. I repeat, especially if you cannot change the situation. When we accept what is, we can bring back the balance we need rather than letting the feelings and emotions of things we cannot change derail us.
- Practice gratitude — This is likely my favourite because it is my superpower, and I can easily lean into it. When we can focus on the positive aspects, the goodness that can come, even if it takes a while to present itself positively, it serves us well. Positivity can shift our emotional state, allowing the good to surface and show itself rather than harbouring the bad.
So, next time shit hits the fan, and you are emotionally charged, take that step back.
Give one or two of these tools from my toolbelt a try and see if they are helpful for you. At first glance, this advice may seem straightforward, but applying these tools requires our deliberate attention and can be incredibly freeing while challenging to engrain and sustain. When all else fails, crank the song, Let it Go, and use it as your resilient theme song for inspiration. Bring it on, God – I got this! We can all benefit from channeling our emotional energy toward positive, lasting impact.
