Your Courage Comes Before the Coach

Why Leaders Need to Go First

Let me say this clearly—I love coaching. It’s been one of the most powerful tools in my work with leaders and teams.

Coaching offers perspective-shifting insights, empowers individuals, and often serves as the catalyst for lasting change.

However, coaching only works when it is applied in the correct sequence. Too often, it is introduced before the necessary leadership groundwork has been laid, which can lead to complications.

When Good Intentions Miss the Mark

Let’s be honest: leaders generally don’t avoid responsibility on purpose. Most are genuinely trying to invest in their people. Coaching often stems from a place of care, development, and the desire to do the right thing.

But this is where it gets complicated. Sometimes, coaching is introduced before clear expectations have been established, direct feedback has been provided, and alignment on performance or behavior has been attempted.

As a result, when the coach arrives, the employee is caught off guard, and suddenly, we’re having a growth conversation without a solid foundation to support it. It is not a lack of good intent; it is just a gap in the leadership sequence.

When Coaching Becomes a Leadership Loophole

We’ve all seen it. A leader brings in a coach to “help” a struggling employee. On the surface, this seems proactive and supportive.

However, the employee may believe everything is fine. They might think this is a reward rather than a rescue mission. Meanwhile, I’m expected to gently explain that their performance is off-track, or even worse, that they’re at risk of serious consequences.

Plot twist. I’m not a magician. Coaching isn’t a way to escape uncomfortable leadership moments.

A Gentle Nudge: You Might Need Coaching Too (And That’s Not a Bad Thing)

If you find yourself feeling stuck, avoiding a conversation, or second-guessing yourself, that is not a flaw in your leadership—it’s a very human experience.

Some of my favorite clients are those who say, “I know I need to have this conversation, but I’m stuck. Can you help me find the words—and the courage—to do it well?”

Yes, I can. Courage is like a muscle that needs practice, and sometimes, you need a spotter. (That’s me.)

What Prevents Leaders from Leaning In?

Let’s be honest—having hard conversations is not enjoyable. Many people face challenges when it comes to having meaningful conversations. Some of the most common obstacles I see with my coachees include:

• Fear of damaging the relationship.
• Worry about saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse.
• Uncertainty about what to say or how to express it.
• Negative past experiences where feedback went poorly.
• An unconscious belief that kindness means avoiding difficult discussions.

These barriers are real and valid. However, it’s essential to acknowledge that while avoiding these conversations may seem easier in the short term, it often leads to more significant issues in the long run.

The Risks of Not Speaking Up

When leaders choose silence—comfort over the uncomfortable—the consequences can include:

• Employees feel left in the dark.
• Erosion of trust within the team, as unspoken issues are felt.
• Lingering performance problems that typically worsen.
• Loss of credibility for leaders, not due to mistakes, but because they chose not to communicate.
• The employee is triggered by the coach when feedback is shared.

Additionally, we must acknowledge the emotional burden of unaddressed tension; it can be heavy and continues until resolved.

The Real Cost of Inaction

Failing to have courageous conversations can lead to:

• Missed development opportunities.
• Top performers wondering why standards aren’t applied uniformly.
• Unnecessary turnover, either of the employee or among the team.
• The worst outcome: a breakdown of trust in leadership.

Clarifying What Coaching Is… and Isn’t

Here’s the Real Talk

If you’re hoping coaching will “fix” someone before you’ve had the honest conversation, it’s like handing them a map—but not telling them where they’re starting from.

For coaching to be effective, start with honesty and clarity. Then, bring in additional support to facilitate the individual’s growth and development.

Need a Courage Kickstart? Start Here.

• Dare to Lead, by Brené Brown – For when vulnerability feels intimidating, but leadership demands it.
• Radical Candor, by Kim Scott – A guide to caring personally while challenging directly.
• Crucial Conversations, by Patterson, Grenny, et al. – A resource for navigating high-stakes discussions without losing your composure.
• The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, by Dethmer et al. – Ideal for those ready to shift from reactive to responsible leadership.

Closing Thought

Leadership is not about outsourcing the uncomfortable parts. It’s about showing up, saying the thing, and staying present after you’ve said it.

So, before you send someone to coaching, pause. Have the conversation with clarity, context, and care.

Then, bring in coaching—not to take your place, but to bring the feedback to life.

As the leader, you set the direction. You offer the check-ins. Coaching helps build the bridge between feedback and follow-through. It helps your employees reflect, shift habits, and maintain momentum.

And if you need help getting started, finding the words, building the courage, or supporting the change?

You are not weak; you are wise. And I’ll be right here when you’re ready.